 | Tavern Top Ten |
| Top Ten Ways The Muppets Can Appeal To Today's Teens |
| 10. Sexually curious Gonzo sticks nose in warm apple pie |
| 9. Introduce new Muppet -- Notorious B.I.G. Bird |
| 8. Sesame Street episodes now sponsored by the number 3 and Colt 45 |
| 7. Rumble scene with cast of "South Park" where Gonzo shanks Cartman |
| 6. Goodbye singing, dancing and hugging -- hello drinking, fighting and smoking |
| 5. Cookie Monster writes tell-all book about his struggles with eating disorder |
| 4. New fuzzy purple Muppet named "Ritalin" |
| 3. Kermit gets "thug life" tattoo on chest |
| 2. Scooter openly complains about the guy with his hand up his ass |
| 1. Kubrick-style orgy scene in Ernie and Bert's bathtub |
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